Insight

Lily is able to fall asleep without us next to her, and she knows this. There have been many times when she has laid down on our bed or the couch without either of us and had gone to sleep because she was tired. I guess as parents we’re a bit more on the laid back side about Lily sleeping in her own room and in her own bed. Lily has slept with us most nights since we met in China. We actually feel this has been pivotal in our development of a healthy bond and attachment with Lily. I know there are differing opinions about co-sleeping, and I believe it really boils down to individual families and what works for them.

Recently there was a night when Eric and I were watching a movie and Lily wanted to watch Noggin. Lily was snuggled in with blanky on my lap, and I said to her, “why don’t you lay down on Mommy & Daddy’s bed and watch Noggin? We want to finish watching the end of this movie and then we’ll come up and snuggle you.” Lily answered, “But I want you to be beside me.” I said to Lily, “Well, Mommy & Daddy will be right here. You’ll just be right up stairs in Mommy & Daddy’s bed. This is your house and Mommy & Daddy are right here~~it’s ok.” Lily looked up at me and said, “You are going to turn Chinese and then I will be in Chinese house.” *she held her arms out as if to gesture to our house* “This is my princess house.” I snuggled Lily really close giving her lots of kisses. I smiled at her and told her, “Mommy cannot turn Chinese, and this is your home with Mommy & Daddy always.”

As an adoptive mom sometimes I wonder just how much Lily feels secure now in our family. I think about the extent of her memories of the daily routine of living in Siping orphanage. I’ve even wondered recently if when we visit China this summer to bring home Max, will Lily have a flood of old feelings come back or insecurities re-surface. Will she think that maybe she won’t be coming back home with us?? I know Lily can't just say, "I remember this or I remember that" and literally put things into words, but there are things that she says that give much insight. I’ve started talking to Lily about our trip to China this summer. I describe taking a long ride on a plane, that we will stay for a little while so we can see beautiful places and then go meet Max. Then we will all have to ride the plane again to come home, and we will be bringing Max with us. We will then have to introduce Max to Benjamin, Sparky, and the other animals. I ask her if she will help me take care of Max, help Max learn to be gentle while petting the cats, and learn to use the potty. I hope to spark her imagination where she can see herself doing all of these things knowing that is how it will be. I hope this will help keep any fears at bay that she will not return home with us.

Lily’s preschool teacher told me the other day that she felt that I was explaining things very well to Lily and that we were preparing her well for Max’s arrival. There are days when Lily is brought to our car in the car pool line by her teacher and she will tell me that they all heard a lot about Max that day. We have much pride in Lily’s Chinese heritage, and we are very interested in Chinese culture and history, and we teach this to Lily. We have books with beautiful photos of China that she loves to see. We have collage frames with photos of us on The Great Wall and in the Forbidden City. We have three photo albums full of Lily’s first 2 years living in Siping orphanage, thanks to the teachers, that we sit down and go through with Lily whenever she asks to see them.

So far Lily has not mentioned a thought about having another mother and father~~her birth mother or a birth father, but I can feel that these conversations are near. She notices our differences. Sometimes when we are in front of the bathroom mirror and I’m fixing her hair she will say to me, “What color are your eyes, Mama?” I’ll tell her my eyes are blue and then ask her what color her eyes are. Lily will tell me that her eyes are black. Actually her eyes are dark brown~~so dark brown they are like big, beautiful dark pools. Only in the light or in sun light is it possible to see her pupils. I tell her that it’s ok that our eyes are different and our hair is a different color. God made everyone different because he loves variety so then so should we.